I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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