He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The Olympian is in my bed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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