She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
