You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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