Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
