the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
