sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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