My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
