what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
