Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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