I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
