We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
