i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
