oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
