So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
