Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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