I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
