Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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