They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
