I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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