So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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