Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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