Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
