So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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