There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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