This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
