I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
