that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I need moral support for this bender
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
