just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
