You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
last night I used snow as a chaser
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
