guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
