This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
