good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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