This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
