I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's blow job season.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
