I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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