I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
