its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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