So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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