I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
