Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
