Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
