Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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