he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
