I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
