so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
