You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I touched a dick in church today
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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