i already hear my dad disowning me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
