We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
foreskin is a definite game changer
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
