I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
