What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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