Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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