i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize