it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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