Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
