Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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