roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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