My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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