My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
