fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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