How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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