I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish I only lived at night.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
