Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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