My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This baby is an asshole
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
