I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
