While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
