Where is the hickey?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize