she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
