he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
